Giving a teen privacy while monitoring safety

Along with the advantages our kids realize surfing the net, there are also dangers inherent with the anonymity the net affords. There's also the private world of text messaging, with a language made of acronyms which leaves most parents clueless. Add to this the chat rooms, sometimes frequented by pedophiles looking for vulnerable, impressionable young victims and you've got a whole new batch of gray hairs. Giving your teen privacy in an appropriate measure, while keeping them safe and out of trouble is a challenging task.

So how do you achieve this delicate balance? All parents can relate to the need for teen privacy, but the world was a lot different back in the day. On the one hand, you don't want to snoop through your child's diary or invade their privacy on a 'cleaning your room' pretext. Such activity fosters mistrust and secrecy.

Establish an environment of trust by letting your kids know that no subject of discussion is off limits. You can enhance their level of trust by encouraging talk which remains private, just between the two of you, in an unconditional acceptance of what they have to say. When your child sees that they can vent or disclose misdeeds without being humiliated or hearing about it for the next ten years, you'll get a handle on what they're doing. This gives you an opportunity to provide guidance in good judgement, which is one principal goal of a parent.

Establishing real trust with your teen goes a long way towards balancing teen privacy with safety. The anonymity of social activity on the net does complicate the issue. Even though your teen trusts you to be non-judgemental and sensitive to their needs, their sense of what teen privacy means involves an element of secrecy. Teens want a certain degree of independence, which is in line with the premise of exercising the good judgement you've tried to instill. The trouble is that what they don't share with you may prove to be most critical to their safety.

As a parent, how do you know that the nightly visits to the chat room don't include chats with a child predator masquerading as another teen? Your child may believe it's just an exciting private interchange that lies outside the purview of Mom or Dad. Predators are hip to the text messaging language, a major teen social communication format.

Protecting teen privacy now conflicts with your child's safety. However, if you've taken the steps to establish trust, the door is open to questioning on a non-intrusive basis. Kids are hip to how to erase their net history. Take that for granted. Your counter is to introduce topics they can relate to, such as your own experiences as a teen. Recount the incidence of the blind date who turned into a nightmare, or the guy or girl whose steady 'didn't understand' them. Open the door. Teen privacy and safety can be preserved. It's a subtle balance.